Fetlife can have “Topless Tuesday.” I like mine much better. :-)Two years! Can you believe it? I can’t. We’ve come a long way with our top/bottom relationship/friendship and have weathered a few storms. But he gets me, and I get him. He understands wha… …
I am going to be seriously dating myself with this entry, but… oh well. Last week as I was driving the 405 Freeway, I passed the Slauson exit — as I did, I couldn’t help thinking, “Take the Ventura Freeway to the Harbor Freeway to the San Diego Freeway to some other freeway until you get to the Slauson cut-off, get out of the car, cut off your Slauson, get back in the car…” Sound familiar to anyone?
Back before Jimmy Fallon, before Jay Leno, there was Johnny Carson, host of the Tonight show. He had a collection of characters he played from time to time (like Carnac the Magnificent), but my all-time favorite was Art Fern, host of the Tea-Time Movie.
If you’ve never seen this character, you missed out. Dressed in a loud orange jacket and wearing an oily black pompadour wig, Art Fern would roll his eyes, wave a pointer around and use his nasal whine to describe some really bad (fake) movies, whose stars’ names rhymed and always included some weird animal, such as Squirt, the Wonder Clam. He’d also present some outrageous ads, and to help him hawk his wares was the Uber-Stacked Matinee Lady, played by Carol Wayne. The sketch would be riddled with sexual innuendo and comments about her breasts — pretty risqué for the time. When the commercial would end, he’d return the viewers to the movie, which would play for about two seconds and then the camera would cut back to Art and Matinee Lady making out.
Unfortunately, a lot of Carson’s classic sketches cannot be found online. I don’t know whether it’s because they are property of NBC, or you have to buy the Johnny Carson DVDs in order to see them, or what, but I’ve never been able to find Art Fern clips… until now. I found one on YouTube — it’s not complete, but most of it is intact, and it contains a lot of the familiar shtick (including the Slauson cut-off).
Wanna laugh? Take a break and watch this. It’s a little dated, but I think it’s still funny. And I don’t know about you, but laughs are very welcome to me these days. The sound isn’t great, so turn your speakers on high. Damn, I still miss Johnny. Enjoy.
Two years ago today, I met this man for coffee…
And y’all know where that went. Today, I have a top, a protector, a friend who takes care of me. Sometimes, we all just need to be taken care of, no? Well, I know I do, anyway.
I got to see him briefly yesterday — I had driven 40 miles to meet with my finance guy for lunch, and Steve’s house was between that locale and my place, so I stopped by on my way home and saw his house for the first time. No play, though… he had to rush out and I needed to get home and work. But we will celebrate our two-year anniversary this coming Tuesday.
And next month, I will be celebrating 18 years with this character:
I’ve had a lot of ups and downs lately; more downs, unfortunately. But despite that, today, I am feeling grateful. I have good people in my life, and I am loved.
In other news… Unless you’ve been under a rock the past couple of days, you’ve noticed the mini-tsunami rolling through the spanko blogosphere — the trailer for the “Fifty Shades of Dreck” movie! No, I’m not going to link it here; it’s already been linked ad nauseam. It was even on the Tonight show. I did watch it, though. As predicted, even the trailer is cliché-riddled. The two leads are predictably and perfectly gorgeous (because God forbid we should pay $13 to watch two average-looking schnooks engage in wannabe BDSM). Although Dakota Johnson (Anastasia) is doing her best “I’m-really-pretty-but-I’m-dressed-down-to-look-frumpy-and-insecure” bit. You can see that her hair is in a nondescript ponytail in the beginning, but you know that hair will come down and fly erotically around her ecstatic face sooner or later. Meh. What crap.
But of course, the Missionary Mommies who devoured the books will flock to the theater like demented sheep to sit and squirm in their seats, shoveling popcorn in their faces while dampening their panties over Jamie Dornan (Christian Grey). heavy sigh
Oh, well. Guess I’d better brace myself — if there’s this much buzz over a freaking trailer, I don’t even want to think about when the movie actually opens.
And finally… I knew I forgot something when I wrote about fantasies gone bust the other day. I knew it, and yet I couldn’t come up with it. However, it came back to me this morning, and it’s too good not to share, albeit a little late.
Anyone remember Shadow Lane’s classic oldie, Spoiled Rotten, with Keith Jones and Tanya Foxx? Still one of my favorites, rich with fantasy fodder. For me, one of the hottest scenes was when Keith chases Tanya around a pool table, then finally traps her and bends her over the table for a spanking/strapping. From the first time I saw that scene (and I’ve lost count of how many times total I’ve seen it), I fantasized about being spanked over a pool table.
Guess what? It happened, about 10 years ago. I was visiting my play partner at the time, and he was spanking me in every room in the house. When we got to the den, I saw the pool table and my eyes lit up. Yes! Yes, please!
It was uncomfortable as @#$%. The side of the table dug into my hipbones; a pillow would have helped, but really, in the movies, who stops to get a pillow or whatever to make those steamy scenes more comfortable? The table, despite the felt covering, was very hard under my face. And the worst part? It was like an echo chamber — every blow he imparted reverberated through the table and went right into my ear. So much for that fantasy!
Have a great weekend, y’all. Oh, and welcome back to our beloved Bonnie! …